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Introduction: Spare’s Side of the Story

You’re likely familiar with the narratives already. The passing of Diana, the royal controversies, and the presence of Meghan Markle—these stories have become omnipresent. Daily, news outlets feature Prince Harry and his family in some capacity. Even if the royal scene isn’t your primary focus, you unavoidably catch snippets of their lives.

Perhaps you believe you understand Harry, and your viewpoint on him is already established. Maybe you sympathize with the man who endured the loss of his mother at a tender age, in such a tragic and public manner. Or, you pass judgment on the man who once made an ill-advised choice to portray a Nazi.

You might think Harry made the right choice by severing ties with the royal family, or you might view his actions as betrayal. Irrespective of your stance or your perception of your knowledge, this overview could potentially reshape your perspective. Perusing stories about Harry in the media presents one angle, while hearing his personal account is an entirely different experience.

Certainly, the intricate dynamics of all the royal relationships or the finer intricacies of every scandal can’t be covered here. The subject is extensive. Harry himself mentioned in an interview that his 400-page memoir was initially twice its current length and editing it proved challenging.

Hence, this brief summary will concentrate on a few significant relationships and pivotal moments from Harry’s life. You’ll glimpse into royal existence and uncover the reasons behind Harry’s decision to essentially resign from his family and leave his homeland.

Before delving further, you might be curious about the title – “Spare.” The title itself carries revealing significance, shedding light on its own essence.

Chapter One: In his royal capacity, designated as “the Spare,” Harry has lived a life characterized by distinct and unconventional circumstances.

Upon Harry’s birth, Prince Charles purportedly quipped to Diana, “Wonderful! Now there’s an Heir and a Spare.” William, the firstborn and heir to the throne, took the role of the former, while Harry, the second son, became known as “the Spare.”

Charles’s remark was presumably in jest. However, both Harry’s parents and grandparents often referred to him in this manner, underlining his backup status. From an early age, Harry comprehended his designated role. He understood that his father and brother, being higher in line for the throne, couldn’t travel together on the same plane to mitigate risks. Yet, there were no such limitations for Harry. The concept was that the Spare could be spared.

Harry maintains that he bore no offense to this designation, embracing his familial role. However, as he matures into adulthood and reflects upon his family dynamics and identity, he acknowledges the abnormality that characterized his life.

Consider his relationship with his father, for instance. Charles is not solely Harry’s father but also his superior and financier, or at least he was until Harry’s departure from royal life. This dynamic doesn’t mirror the conventional father-son relationship.

While Harry recollects some ordinary, affectionate moments between them during his upbringing, he recalls Charles as a somewhat distant parent who struggled with direct communication. Charles opted to convey his pride through letters left on Harry’s pillow rather than face-to-face. Physical expressions of affection, such as hugs, were also rare – an attribute he seems to have inherited from his mother, Queen Elizabeth.

Yet, Harry’s challenges extended beyond a lack of physical affection. His royal status consistently impeded his pursuit of an ordinary life. Armed bodyguards accompanied him through the school corridors and waited for him outside pubs during his teenage years. Attempting to lead an ordinary existence while consistently surrounded by security personnel is an arduous task. Even utilizing public transportation, save for a single instance on a school trip, was unfeasible.

As an adult, Harry occasionally managed moments of personal liberty, such as solo trips to the supermarket. Yet, these excursions were meticulously orchestrated operations, involving disguises like a loose coat and a baseball cap. He timed his visits to thwart press interference and even memorized store layouts to expedite his movements.

The lack of autonomy and privacy remained persistent sources of strain and exasperation throughout Harry’s life. However, no event has left an impact as profound as the occurrences of that pivotal night in August 1997.

Chapter Two: Accepting Diana’s passing was a journey that spanned many years for Harry.

At the age of twelve, in the dead of night, Harry was roused from slumber by his father entering his room. Charles addressed him tenderly, saying, “Darling boy, Mummy was in a car crash.” Though the exact words that followed escape him, one phrase remains etched in his memory – “She didn’t make it.”

Physical comfort was absent, but his father’s hand patting his knee and reassuring words offered a semblance of solace. That night, tears did not fall from Harry’s eyes. During the subsequent funeral day, he felt peculiar when compelled to shake hands with countless weeping strangers, individuals who had never encountered his mother. Guilt gnawed at him, aware that their tears flowed while his didn’t.

Yet, as the casket descended, his emotions surged, leading to an outpouring of tears. However, embarrassment accompanied his tears, as such displays ran contrary to the family’s stoic demeanor.

Amid his confusion, Harry secretly held a belief deep within – his mother hadn’t truly perished. He entertained notions that she was concealed or feigning her own death for enigmatic reasons. This internal dialogue persisted for years, fostering thoughts of potential reunion each day.

The absence of definitive proof enabled Harry’s wishful thinking. However, adulthood compelled him to seek the truth. He initiated an inquiry into secret police files concerning the car crash, seeking closure.

Within these documents, Harry encountered photographs depicting the Paris tunnel and the wrecked car. Some of these images were captured by law enforcement, while others bore the signature of paparazzi. Notably, in these pictures, Diana was surrounded by radiant illumination resembling halos.

Initially, Harry speculated a supernatural element, only to discern that these were the flashes emitted by paparazzi cameras. The photographers, relentless in their pursuit, continued snapping even as Diana lay mortally wounded.

These revelations failed to provide the closure he sought, rather kindling a fiery fury and aversion towards the paparazzi who hounded her. When closure did eventually manifest in his early twenties, Harry almost yearned for ignorance.

On his maiden visit to Paris, Harry embarked on a journey through the tunnel where his mother met her tragic fate. His driver steered through the tunnel twice. At this moment, the undeniable truth sunk in – his mother had truly departed. She was irrevocably gone.

Rather than heralding an end to his torment, this recognition ushered in a new phase of anguish. For years, Harry grappled with mental distress – anxiety, panic attacks, and surges of rage. Relief emerged only when he entered his thirties, and therapy marked a turning point.

During one therapy session, Harry brought a poignant item with him – a vial of his mother’s cherished perfume. As he inhaled its fragrance, memories surged forth – her laughter, a sound that had eluded him. In that poignant moment, the laughter resounded in his ears, and tears flowed anew – this time, with a touch of elation.

Chapter Three: Harry has been the focus of media attention since his teenage years.

Considering the circumstances surrounding his mother’s passing, you can likely comprehend why Harry harbors resentment toward the media.

Over the years, their relationship has been nothing short of contentious. The press may have initially shown some sympathy for the grieving 12-year-old, but that empathy quickly faded as Harry became fair game.

During his teenage years, tabloids fabricated stories about him using drugs and cheating on his school exams. Despite these claims being utterly false, they clung to his image. Some stories, however, were indeed accurate. Like the time he donned a Nazi uniform at a costume party – a thoughtless decision that brought a wave of criticism. Harry was deeply embarrassed by his lapse in judgment and the subsequent media frenzy. Eventually, the incident faded from public memory, more or less forgiven.

Yet, journalists and photographers persisted in hounding him, no matter what. The most vexing part was the constant surveillance, the feeling of being relentlessly pursued. Some of the paparazzi became familiar faces, as they doggedly followed him everywhere. There was simply no respite.

To counter his growing urge to confront the paparazzi, Harry even envisioned punching them. To avoid this temptation, he resorted to extreme measures. On exiting clubs or pubs, he’d occasionally ask his bodyguard to tuck him into the car’s trunk. As he was driven home, he would lie there in the darkness, reminiscent of a coffin. Uncomfortable as it was, it was still preferable.

Yet, even with these measures, the stories kept rolling in. Whenever Harry voiced his complaints, his father’s advice was to simply ignore the press. “Darling boy,” Charles would say, “just don’t read it.” Of course, following that advice was far easier said than done. And it was a bit ironic, considering Charles’s own complicated relationship with the media.

Remember the fabricated drug scandal during Harry’s teenage years? The story was plastered across newspapers, despite its lack of truth. To Harry’s shock, he eventually learned the story’s motive for publication. His father’s media advisor had struck a deal with the newspaper’s editor.

Yes, that’s right. Charles had indirectly collaborated with the press, allowing them to publish a negative story about his own son. Why? Because it served Charles’s interests and improved his reputation in a media landscape that wasn’t favoring him at the time.

“Charles, the unfaithful husband” – not a flattering narrative.

“Charles, the single father dealing with his drug-using child” – much more appealing. At least for Charles.

In hindsight, this incident served as a warning of events yet to unfold.

Chapter Four: The press has subjected Harry’s girlfriends to unrelenting harassment as well.

Under the constant gaze of the media, Harry’s every move was subject to scrutiny, inevitably leading to any woman he dated being hounded by the paparazzi as well. While Harry had grown accustomed to this invasive attention, his girlfriends found it profoundly unsettling.

Chelsy, one of Harry’s girlfriends, once made a distressing discovery – a tracking device on her car. Confronting Harry, she expressed her uncertainty about enduring a lifetime of such relentless stalking. Understanding her perspective, Harry and Chelsy decided to end their relationship.

Similar discussions were held with other girlfriends. Harry yearned for a normal relationship and the prospect of starting a family, but the relentless stalking and harassment proved to be an unbearable burden for his partners.

In 2016, when Harry began a relationship with the American actress Meghan Markle, the situation escalated. Media stories depicted Meghan’s family in derogatory terms, with snide remarks about her background and mixed-race heritage. The press even speculated about the implications of a mixed-race woman having a child with a royal.

Harry was deeply disturbed by the extent of racism and class bias displayed in the media. The severity of the situation took him by surprise.

Moreover, the harassment towards Meghan intensified. She and her loved ones were constantly pursued by journalists. Her residence was under constant surveillance, and reporters intrusively sought her attention. The pressure became overwhelming, and there were instances where Meghan was pursued by multiple cars while driving, evoking harrowing memories of Princess Diana’s tragic accident.

One particularly distressing moment occurred when Meghan, in tears, called Harry while being chased by cars on icy roads. The helplessness he felt reminded him of his mother’s fatal accident. Despite the perilous situation, the police offered little assistance, citing her public figure status as a justification for inaction. The media harassment persisted.

A few years later, after Harry and Meghan were married and expecting their first child, a breaking point was reached. Harry found Meghan sobbing on the stairs, declaring her desire to escape the torment. She confessed to having thoughts of suicide due to the ceaseless harassment of her and her family.

In response, Harry did his utmost to console Meghan, promising to find a solution to their ordeal. Nevertheless, they had commitments to fulfill, including an engagement at the Royal Albert Hall. Timeliness was crucial, as Meghan would inevitably be held accountable for any delays.

They attended the event together, stepping into a blinding onslaught of camera flashes as they exited their car. Once inside and surrounded by dimmed lights for the performance, Meghan found solace in her tears.

Chapter Five: The absence of support from his family left Harry disillusioned.

“I will keep you safe,”

Harry assured Meghan on that night at the Royal Albert Hall. However, the question lingered – how could he fulfill this promise? What actions could he take to shield her from harm?

One potential avenue was legal recourse. When a newspaper breached Meghan’s privacy by publishing a personal letter, Harry recognized an opportunity to take a stand through legal action. While both his father and brother had previously initiated lawsuits against the media, they attempted to dissuade Harry when he confided his intentions. Such a move was deemed unconventional and ill-advised.

Undeterred, Harry and Meghan pursued legal action nonetheless. In the aftermath, Harry found himself summoned to Buckingham Palace. His father conveyed the damage inflicted upon the royal family’s reputation due to his legal endeavors. Harry defended his stance, asserting that legal action was their only viable choice. He argued that resorting to such measures wouldn’t have been necessary if his family had taken steps to protect them.

Despite enduring relentless derogatory coverage and online attacks, the royal family had remained conspicuously silent – both publicly and privately – even in response to Harry and Meghan’s appeals for assistance. To compound matters, Harry harbored suspicions that certain family members might have been collaborating with the press, recalling past instances when stories had been manipulated, such as the fabricated tale about Harry’s alleged drug use.

In 2020, the couple decided to distance themselves from their royal roles and leave the UK. However, the news was leaked to the media before they had the chance to make an official announcement. An intriguing detail emerged in the news story – their willingness to relinquish their Sussex titles. This detail was contained in a private letter from Harry to his father, known to only a handful of individuals. The revelation underscored their decision to depart the country and reduce their connections. The unceasing media harassment coupled with the absence of familial support and protection compelled this choice.

A meeting with the royal family ensued, during which the final details of Harry and Meghan’s separation were discussed. While Harry sought a compromise to ensure their security, the other attendees advocated for an uncompromising approach – retain all privileges and security as royals or renounce them entirely.

Ultimately, an agreement was reached. Harry and Meghan were permitted to maintain their security, at least for the foreseeable future. Following the meeting, the Palace issued a statement announcing their decision to “step back” from formal representation of the Queen.

Predictably, the press reacted with outrage, branding Harry and Meghan’s actions as “disrespectful” and even “treasonous.” Nevertheless, Harry remained steadfast in his conviction. Two years later, residing in California with Meghan and their two children, he was confident he had made the right choice for his family’s well-being.

As for his sentiments towards his other family members, Harry’s emotions were complex. He held enduring love for them, yet harbored a sense of disappointment. He wished they had been there to support him during one of the most challenging phases of his life.

Conclusion

As Harry reflects upon his life’s journey, a recurring pattern becomes evident: the press’s relentless fixation on tormenting royal family members, sowing discord among them. Regrettably, this tumultuous environment led Harry and Meghan to a point where they felt compelled to leave their homeland.

Yet, amidst the challenges, there have been triumphs. Harry’s process of reconciling with the loss of his mother has been a significant milestone. Additionally, he discovered love and embarked on a journey to build his own family – an aspiration that once felt distant.

Although often labeled “the Spare,” Harry’s significance extends beyond this designation. He emerged as the one who broke free from constraints, embracing a life that aligns with his own principles and desires.

About the author

A part of the British royal family, Prince Harry, also known as the Duke of Sussex, has a history of service in the British Army and holds patronage over numerous charitable organizations. Presently residing in California, he, alongside his wife Meghan, is actively engaged in running the non-profit organization Archewell.

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